The show is almost over. I like your energy. Is the thought of a Unicorn a real thought? I kiss her hoping she taste like a rain storm, she doesn’t, she taste like a night club. She pokes my chest, you’re in shape. I run I say. Oh ya? I fuck she says. You look like a fucker I say. The beat drops and I want to dance. I leave. My friend grabs me, how did you do that?! Stop wanting things. I’m out of cash and far from home. I know an after-party, can we get a ride? Its the five of us, happy for a moment, but we’re getting pulled over. I’m in shot-gun, I look back, I see a wicked fear in my friends face, like all the breath has been sucked out of him and his face looks stuck in place.
He snaps out of it. I have 20 pills on me. He says softly without eye contact. What?! I have 20 pills on me. I have fucking 20 pills on me! Like pressed pills? Why the fuck do you have 20 presses on you? I don’t know. I went to my guy and I wanted to get 10. I was going to surprise everyone tonight. And he was like, ‘$50 more bucks and I’ll give you ten more.’ And I was like, why not? And then I put them in my pocket and basically forgot about them. You have to eat them! says the tall girl. I cant eat 20 fucking pills. Crotch them dude. Lets just all eat them he says. That’s 4 each. Will I die if I eat 4 she says? I don’t fucking know???? Ok he’s coming hurry up and lets gobble those fuckers. The Kopper peaks his head in the window. I slide my right hand over my right eyebrow and say ‘we’re not the ones your looking for’ the cop gives a look and walks back to his car and leaves. Holy fuck that was some Jedi shit. No, it was some Masonic shit. Oh man, we’re about to get fucked up.
We walk in the party. I want to avoid my friend. When he gets fucked up his face turns really intense and big and he conversationally tries to rape me with topics I could care less about. I walk around, there’s malnourished ravers, scarf wearing college girls, head bobbing hipsters. Before I can even say hello to anyone, there is a obnoxious kid saying obnoxious things and I would like to punch him in the face. He reads my mind; go ahead punch me in the face he says. No thanks I say.
I walk into the kitchen and am immediately set upon by a girl I used to know, who thinks she knows me very well. There are certain aspects of my life she in unaware about. I’m not quite equipped to get into this at the moment, but the selfish part of me will only ever give her the selfish part of me. I barely know her anyhow, but I do know things about her. I’ve watched her march, bound with the masks of jumbled identities, that had danced her holding a shoe-box poked with pencil holes, which she mistook for stars, and inside it carried letters, pictures, poems. I know how badly she wants to burn that fucking shoe box.
I know there are precious seconds in her life, when she isn’t fully awake yet and it feel like the whole world is hugging her, that is a damn good second. I know that we have been interacting in the possibilities, not the moments. I know she is a benevolent vampire. I know she believes in the gods and ghosts of time and space, music, and love. I know there are empty isolations or panicky drug episodes when the abstract resonance of lost agreements she has made with herself and soon forgotten creep through her subconscious, whispering terrifying truths, of how she has failed to seize the day, echoing all the words she should have said, all the deeds should have done. I know this is just a dark DMT dream and when I wake up I will be in the soft sunlight writing and loving somewhere by a Costa Rican lake.
Most importantly, I know that even when we are together, we are apart; our thoughts reside in different dimensions.
Anyways, she takes me into a bedroom with a girlfriend of hers and they get semi-naked and start snake dancing and I do coke off there tits, which makes my heart explode, so then they give K so slow me down. I am sure I have done way too much of everything and missed the point that they may have ulterior motives with me. But now the K has taken hold and I am leaving my body for a minute or two. Im convinced this isn’t a house, it’s a spaceship that’s made to look like a house. Glistening nostalgia fills me up, flickering black holes. I have a strong desire to take a nap. I come back. I’m being mouth raped. Hey heyy heyyyyy!! What are you doing? I need to take a nap, get off me. I ninja flip my way out of the grasps of both of their lechery. I find a onsie and put it on, and feel much better, its like a chastity suit. I run away from them.
Later, I see a girl wearing head band made of beads, designed in a Indian peyote pattern with a eagle. She has a black leotard. Black elastic legging with open circles cut through out. Sneakers that shined. A purple plastic watch. A big black belt with studded metal. Athletic, small chest. Dark skin, dark hair. I decide she is the only one worth knowing is this whole house. I go up to her not knowing what to say and hit my head on a hanging lamp. Owwww. Are you ok? I cant wait till were all robots so I stop feeling bumps and bruises I say. Soon we are playing songs and just chilling and this is exactly what I want to be doing. She is on the floor rubbing her hands coyly through the fibers of the carpet. She looks like a tiger ready to pounce. Want to see energy she says? Before I could respond she reaches out and touches a metal gated air duct. A intense green spark explodes. Oh yes! and now she is laughing and her eyes are wild and full of life. Do it! DO it! D it! She saays pleeeeeeeeeeeease do it! And of course I do it. Then her hand grips mine and we she says lets do it at the same time. We rub our hand through the carpets and touch the air duct like Peruvian shamans. A bold spark of energy flashes and runs through us and yes yes we laugh laugh. And now I am dead sober and happy. Love is a moment, and this is love. I don’t need to know anything. She is asking questions about life and such and I tell her life isn’t the question its the answer. Jussst kidding what do I know? And we get on all sorts of topics and its fucking awesome. And now we are just having a giggle and a chuckle and we’re having stare offs lost in moments and then the obnoxious kid comes in and ruins the moment. He sits by us awkwardly. I try to ignore him. What do you? He asks. Give me information you fag. He says. Im just kidding. He says. I have a edgy sense of humor, he states. Yes yes very advanced I say. You know what you problem is? I pause then I say….. Your problem is that every time things are flowing you have to put a stick in the wheel and say ’look at me’ because you’re insecure and needy. But nobody likes to hear sad truths so he says, Fuck you! I could just shoot everyone in this room he says. Listen man, you’re at a level 9, you need to take it down to a level 5. Im at a level 4 he says. The girl im with jumps up, puts my Madonna jacket on, turns up Kreayshawn and starts dancing and rapping in the kids face. She dances him out of the room with:
I’m lookin like Madonna but I’m flossing like Ivana
Trump, you know I keep that work in my trunk
Got my hand on the pump if you wanna press your luck
I’m yelling “Free V-Nasty” ’til my throat is raspy
Young, rich and flashy I be where the cash be
Kreayshawn – Gucci Gucci
Cults – Abducted
Borgore – Act like a ho