We’re floating through space on a giant rock. Comfortable strangers in the strangeness. Harmoniously symbiotic. Ancient primal switches.  The reflection and reflector.

**************************************FLASH*******************************************

In the bedroom of my mind, yellow fireworks boom in a purple moon sky. Images, black and white, and splattered in color, flash like a choppy 1920s movie. She’s slowly walking through a crowd towards me. Her smile beams electric silver, her eyes shone midnight.

**************************************FLASH******************************************

We’re flying above Paris, we’re crashing into Kansas. On again, off again. On again, off again. I tell myself I have read enough books not too care. I am Tao. This is space/time illusion tricks.

**************************************FLASH******************************************

Everything is gold. Gold rooms. Gold guns. Gold drinks. Gold ghosts. Gold rules.

**************************************FLASH********************************************

Everything is white. White jacket. White hat. White gloves, White snow falling in her hair. White breath leaving her body. We’re nearly out of the park. I daydreamed all of this, and it ends shitty.

**************************************FLASH*******************************************

With every step I become increasingly catatonic. It feels like I’m first calloused and then fragmented. My consciousness is jetting out, through a prism, and shining waves of rainbows  into parallel Universes. I am not here.

**************************************FLASH*******************************************

She jerks her nervous, dark eyes in my direction and declares, “You’re not talking.”

I can only say, “What is there to say?

**************************************FLASH*******************************************

We’re walking in the margins of the last page. We’re exchanging the last few sparks of an imploding star, before it gets sucked away to a place where nothing returns for billions of years. It’ll be wiped so clear from the Universes’ nerve endings, that it becomes debatable if it ever existed at all.

**************************************FLASH*******************************************

“This is why I don’t like bringing things up. You seize up and get distant.” She says with effort.

I say nothing.

After a long pause she continues, “I don’t want to lose you.”

I say nothing.

“There is a lot of beautiful people out there and they each bring out different sides of me.”

“Interesting.” I say.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, it wasn’t what I wanted to do.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Remind me not to feel a thing, keep the dream tight.

**************************************FLASH*************************************************

I beat back an urge to go after her. Better to go out like a ghost and a dream. My eyes look out the window for an unknown time. Finally, I look away. I laugh. I don’t know why, but I do. Everything you lose always comes back to you, if not in this life then the next. I bundle up, put my head-phones on, and journey out into the barren COSMOS looking for signs of life.

Arcade Fire – Suburban War

PJ Harvey ( ft. Thom Yorke) – This Mess We’re In

The Black Keys – Everlasting Light (The Mummers Remix)

Metric – Hustle Rose

MGMT – The Handshake

(out going FB message): Its been two years; how are we not something new, or through? Will the damage we did always echo into the future? Will the moments we shared always linger in the past? I never wanted to climb a mountain, I wanted to be the mountain. Let me live my life. There’s certain hurts that I will always feel and there’s certain magics I’ll always see. When its over, I won’t mind you laying flowers on my grave. No need for words now, I can feel vibrations in the sky. Everything thing in my life is sad and beautiful.

(incoming cut and paste FB messages—soooo exhausting):

I say to you, you are absolutely free, unconditionally free. When i saw you for the first time in two years, you could have had me that one night, and i know you are well aware of this.  You dont need to work for no Babylon ‘clock in clock out’ shitstem. I would LOVE if you could come to my wedding. Mdma and Beta? That’s right I caught you calling me BREE the wrong name! Columbia is an illuminati term, you should know this. I like Cervantes, i like taking pictures, i like hanging out with you, i like liking things on facebook. I just wanted to apologize for being a bitch. Youre the shit take my number. I do miss hearing your laugh and think about it often. I know its easier to turn your back on those who project fear and doubt.

Stupid little cunts who cross me get verbally abused via the internet because they won’t fucking talk to me on the phone or in person. Drunk girls are like puppies, you can’t leave anything valuable around them because eventually, it’s going to get destroyed. Did you leave me a fake number? Can I borrow your cock, I always wanted to know what its like to get head? I guess I didn’t want to lead you on in any way. I was like super excited w/ you and then you go “but btw…. RAWR IM A DICK!”

I am glad you’re not upset, b/c i couldn’t feel a right vibe of ya that night. Nick, what high horse are you talking about? Did you break up with your grrl? I am REALLY excited for your party! Obama is a traitor…i was the head of his campaign in GH…shame on me…call me soon. I would love to attend maybe get down on some wet t shirt tho if i rock your shirt! Im glad we are so fucking awesome and we put everyone in awe! Something I’d like to address is that I did a very poor job of expressing myself that night. I miss Denver and you. When are you going to take me out Mr? Visit us and I’ll show you Sweden. Hopefully, you won’t hate me for the rest of your existence. O man i gotta show u this sweet sweet article about the Maya and the 2012 date!! the world doesn’t end! I thank you for accepting my apology and I regret acting like a shithead instead of a friend. I think you should travel. You inspire me!! I called the phone number you gave me and some cunt answered and said she just met you a month ago and you guys are in love…could this be true? I was listening to some good tunes and they reminded me of you.

I’m very flexile, I can put both my legs over my head…that will come in handy trust me. I usually do not apologize when i do not think it will be accepted because i am a coward, but i am sorry. I don’t mean to be distant but I know when we are together our energy mixes and swirls into a sweet ne bula and it great but….. I think in my dream u were mad at me for not keeping in touch. Hope you have some uppers that you don’t mind sharing with me (coffee and/or drugs) cuz um it’s 4am. I am sorry I was an asshole after New Year’s, I don’t have an explanation except for that I was too caught up in being a “college gal” and misbehaving. Everything in my life is magic, all my dreams manifest and wait for me to seize the opportunities. The truth is not already given to you, you have to create it, each moment you are creating yourself. Thank you again for being you.

Airborne Toxic Event – This Nowhere

The Naked and Famous – The Sun

JJ – I’m The One Money On My Mind

Eliza Doolittle – Money Box (Jamie XX Remix)

Paganini Rocks (Feat. Au Revoir Simone)

There’s a questionable hippy woman hurling obscenities at me. They come in from a intimate distance, like a series of sky-hooks cascading onto my brain matter. She is not yelling. Her words sound growl like–very focused and somewhat disturbing. The unique vocals have attracted the attention of crowd. I’m pretty blasé about the whole situation, as I am sure this is some cosmic joke. My eyes haven’t dilated yet, or have they? Fuck. I look her intently in the eyes, as I sip my unsweetened iced-tea. It taste like electric iced-tea, is that a flavor? I look her over in short photographic glances, like a clairvoyant art spy. Her head is round, very round, ball-like even. Pale face. Dirty blond, straw hair, which is cut to her shoulders. Her eyes are a shade of blue, sky blue. Her chin forms like the bottom of a heart. The space between her eyes appears to be 5.31 centimeters. The only make-up I can detect is the mascara, which liberally paints her eye lashes. The vertical distance from her mouth to her eyes appears to be approximately 37% of her faces length. As far as the female anatomy is concerned, this is nearly perfect symmetry. It creates a stage in which her eyes and mouth team up for aesthetic precision. I wonder if she has ever pulled off a stand-up 69? Her breath smells like crab artichoke dip. I see flab shake from her upper arm, as she scolds her index finger into my personal space. This is a surprising amount of lack of exercise. It’s disturbing, horrifying even. She could never pull off a stand-up 69. I decide I would not sleep with her. Was it ever in question? My brain starts fighting itself. I cant decide if I’m over thinking this or under thinking it.

“You’re a real cocksucker aren’t you?” She puckers intently at me.

“I would suck dick at sucking dick.” I state.

“Why don’t you drop the guard, get real with me, and let me in?” She says, blowing clouds of crab artichoke dip my way.

“I am letting you in. You’re in. Make yourself at home. Would you like a glass of water or perhaps some electric iced-tea?”

“Don’t get fuckey with me. You patronizing asshole.”

Her face begins to melt. I cant really think of anything to say.

“Are you going to say something or just be a pussy, like every other man I have ever met!?”

I wonder what male figure she is projecting onto me? She is saying these things with a look in her eye that hints she wouldn’t mind bashing in my head a few times just to kiss it and make it feel better.

“I never get fuckey,” I say slowly. “I deplore the general concept of fuckiness. Don’t question my integrity on this.”

Her vocabulary is starting to become unsettling, it could use a certain ‘debonair’ added it. Her whole presence is starting to become unsettling. I need to get out of her reach.

“Listen, lets just call it a draw…you keep your fucking hands off of me you evil hippy and yes, a draw, yes?” I say.

She beams into my personal space with maniacal laughter; trying to shake my hands, do pinkie promises, and all sorts of other hand jive. I back away quickly and fade into the crowd.

Dragonette – Volcano (Zeds Dead Remix)

The Moody Blues – White Satin (Zeds Dead Remix)

People Under the Stairs – Trippin’ at the Disco