I am at the show, and in one of my strange moods, where I am avoiding people, and tired conversations. I am here to transcend or at least escape, if not in my body then in my mind. I am in my own world with my eyes closed and probably dancing better than the lead singer of the band on stage, Does It Offend You, Yeah…but actually the leader singer is sick and didn’t make the show, so it’s the guitarist playing the lead, so I should cut him some slack. I open my eyes and notice two girls staring at me. They don’t stop staring, and upon further review, it turns out I slightly know said girls. My one man Nicholas world disappears and I give them a smile and some high-fives and maybe even my phone number, and they tell me where I know them from. But I am still trying to avoid conversations and just flow with the music or whatever, so I go my own way—but they follow me like lost puppies and I wonder “what more do they want from me, I have given them my best high five?” I hop like a rabbit to the other side of the venue to escape, and here I see a guy I also know, who I will call the, ‘Tin Man’ who has no heart but a robot heart, and he is the last man I want to talk to or see, or even know he still exists. I escape him, by quickly veering into the packed crowd. As this happens, I get shoved from behind, by what appears to be an angry white man (perhaps a Nazi?) with a shaved head and skull tattoos (original?), and he is dancing on his skanks booty, and yelling “fuck you!” at my handsome gentleman self, all while a pretty love song is playing. He looks like he wants to kill me. My flight or fight response, is fight, and yes I have been trying to change this because well 4 trips to the ER in one year is enough, and I weigh around 150 lbs, so I may look like Chuck Norris, but I can’t really fight like him, buuuuuuuuuuuut this guy is such a degenerate! Who would shove a random person to a beautiful love song at a show while your booty-grinding with your GF? If anyone deserves to be punched its this guy. I turn around and stare at this man, and he stares back. Luckily, a skinny hippy hipster, who is actually enjoying the show, hops between us and sings of peace, I agree. I venture further into the crowd, until I’m nearly at the front and then I see a great friend and she jumps in my arms, and I spin her around, and she yells into the venue, “Where have you been all my life!?” I set her down and soon the whole crowd is dancing.
So now I am in people mood and taking various shots of alcohol and giving members of the band pointers about where the hot spots of Denver are, and the night rolls along pleasantly, and the show ends. I am with a group of people, and I am arguing to go to one spot, and my friend is arguing to go to Suite 200 and of course she wins, by saying we will just stop by for a drink and go to my spot, but this is all bullshit and she doesn’t want to leave. I on the other hand, am quite disappointed in myself as I look over the ’awesome’ crowd at Suite and recognize face after face of people I don’t want to talk to….because well “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes Awww!” And well these aren’t the mad ones, these are the common place ones and my mood is turning sour as I start to deplore the crowd and the horrible music selection. I can’t take anymore and I hop in a cab. The first thing I do when I get in a cab is always, always, ALWAYS compliment them on the music they are playing. This makes the ride much more pleasant.
I get to my destination and there are only about twenty people in the bar, but I am at my spot and I am happy as a kid on the last day of school. I am chatting everyone up and buying rounds of cheap tequila. Soon I see Kele and we hit it off with a great convo. But we kept getting interrupted a legion of hipster hunnies, but he is generally ignoring them as we try to have a conversation:
Kele: So you were saying your heart was in a knot at the show?
Me: Well when you say it like that it sounds gay.
Kele: I am gay mate
Me: What!? So every song I thought was about a chic, is actually about a dude?
Kele: Well not everyone
Me: Ahhh so that’s why you had the crowd take off their shirts, very clever Mr. Kele
Kele: This iz theee best time I have eva had in denva!
Kele has a great laugh, and I have to tell you, that he radiates this brilliant energy and just seems like the happiest person ever and you can tell he is just a really good guy….
The night goes on, I decide I need to go home before I am anymore drunk, and I am followed out by a girl, who I forgot to tell you about, since it wasn’t really worth mentioning, because the only reason she followed me is because I told her I didn’t want to talk to her in the bar because she didn’t know who Bloc Party was, and now she wants to get even or something???? Turns out she wants to know what my plans are for the night.
Girl: What are you doing now?
Me: Going home.
Girl: I want to party.
Me: You can’t always get what you want.
Girl: Yes I can
A cab arrives and I see her making plans to hang out with two guys. Then she runs into my cab. During the cab ride home, with a very wanton look, she is telling me how ’fun’ she is and well I take this as code for she wants to do me. I do live in Denver or MENVER as I should say, and here having a one night stand is considered such a major accomplishment to most men in this city, since well, most are willing to sell their soul for a piece of ass. The idea of one night stand make me feel uncomfortable to say the least. But she does have a set of fabulous breasts and they are starting to convince me that, ‘who knows, maybe this girl is awesome, maybe she can inspire poetry, and climb mountains, and say witty things at dinner parties.’ So I decide I should at least know her name, and after the introductions are made, the cab drives has a great laugh:
Cabby: hahahahahahahahahah you two just met??? What if you die??
Me: You just lost your tip.
This is my own fault for not complimenting his music when I got in the cab.
So we get inside my house and all of a sudden there is a big pile of molly on a plate. I turn around and most of the molly has disappeared.
Me: You just did all of that?
Girl: Why, is that a lot?
Me: I thought you did this before?
Girl: I have a few times.
Me: Well yeah, that’s kind of a lot.
Fifteen minutes later she trying she is speaking alien baby talk.
Her: ma ma mmmmmmmmm mamamamaamm wooowoo
ME: Speak English damnit
Her: thisssssssssssssssss issssssssss goooooooooooooooooooood mooooooooooly
Her eyes are closed
Me: Are you alright?
Her: I dunnnnnnnnnooooooooooo
I instantly have a vision of me having to take her to the hospital. This is not a good vision. I spray her in the face with a small squirt gun
ME: open your eyes damnit!
Her: okkkkk you take care of me…mmmmmm hhhhiehshdkshkfhskfhsdjkhfjskdhfjskhfjksdhf
ME: you wanna stop that alien baby talk? I thought you were going to be fun?
Her: hhehheee I hhhhhhh wannnnnn babiessssss
Her: ahhh ahah uhhhhhhh dun babies
ME: What are you saying? You want babies? Please don’t say that.
Her: (she sings) Lets make out! Lets make out! Lets make out! Im in looooove with youuuuuuuu
Her eyes shut again. She laughs. I give her another squirt. I make a pizza and watch a movie while she alien baby talks me for the rest of the night.